Causes of Divorce
While divorce rates are going down amongst younger people, researchers estimate that a solid half of all marriage will likely end in divorce or permanent separation. Couples who choose to divorce have their own personal reasons for doing so. That being said, there are some general risk factors that mean marriage is more likely to end in divorce than others. Here is a list of the top 15 reasons for a divorce.
- Adultery: having a relationship outside the marriage is grounds for divorce in most states. While the law generally requires a sexual relationship to be present before divorcing, marriages might still end even if the other spouse is engaged in an emotional affair. Keeping secrets and withdrawing from the marital relationship is not likely to result in a successful marriage.
- Marrying young: statistically, the younger a couple gets married, the more likely they are to divorce – particularly in the very first stages of marriage.
- Money: or lack thereof. Money problems are one of the top reasons for a divorce. Insufficient income leads to stress and distrust between parties – not a great foundation for a partnership in the years to come.
- Addiction: this does not just refer to drug or alcohol problems, although those are serious. This can be an addiction to shopping, gambling, online pornography, food, or anything else.
- Trauma: Life-changing events or accidents often lead to divorce. Losing a child or one of the parties suffering a life-altering injury can cause stress in a marriage that is not sustainable.
- Abuse: Physical, emotional and verbal abuse are all good reasons for a divorce. If you or a friend needs help leaving an abusive situation, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.
- Different Goals: It is inevitable that people change over the course of a marriage. The problem arises when two people's goals, aspirations and even values change and begin to conflict. If one spouse wants to quit their lucrative job and go back to school, it can be difficult for the other spouse to accept and adjust accordingly.
- Mental health: long-term depression, high anxiety or other mental health problems can negatively impact a marital relationship.
- Differences of opinion in child-rearing: Most parents have somewhat different parenting styles when it comes to their children. Sometimes, they can be completely different, which will often result in conflict. Perhaps one party is the disciplinarian and is a stickler for rules, while the other party encourages creativity and a lack of structure. Sometimes, these differences in attitudes and opinions can be irreconcilable.
- Lack of communication: no two people are always going to get along and agree. It is important for spouses to communicate with each other when they are unhappy or need a change – especially if it is uncomfortable to do so. Not being able to communicate effectively often leads to divorce.
- To that end, failing to listen or be supportive can be just as harmful. How useful will good communication be for a spouse that is not engaged or does not care? It is important for both parties to make an effort to both hear and be heard.
- Poor support system: It is important for both parties to have their own support system when times get hard. Not having other family members or good friends around to lean on can result in feeling isolated. If you and your partner share children, it is crucial you get time away from them to be alone with each other and work on your relationship. Parties who do not have this kind of support frequently suffer and end the marriage as a result.
- Issues when blending a family: As divorce is fairly common, then it is no surprise that second marriages are common, too. Sometimes, that means including children from a previous relationship. Balancing visitation schedules, ex-spouses, and standard inter-family jealousies and conflict can often overwhelm spouses if they go into a marriage like this unprepared.
- Overinvolved family: on the other side of the spectrum is the family that is too involved in your marital life. The mother-in-law who is constantly meddling, or the sister who does not like you and makes that clear can easily result in a conflict that can be resolved. The spouse with the problematic family member will feel forced to choose between their blood relatives and their spouse, and all too often, blood will win over the marriage.
- Lack of responsibility and accountability: Too often, once a couple is married, one of the parties will devolve into another child of the family. They will be uninterested in the finances, child-rearing, cleaning, cooking, and other chores that make a family unit operate smoothly. The spouse who picks up the slack can easily feel overwhelmed and resentful, which breeds conflict and arguments.
If any of these reasons sound familiar to you, and you are considering getting a divorce but don't know where to start, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen today for a free, initial consultation at 201-845-7400.