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Creating a Custody Arrangement

When it comes to a divorce, most parents can agree on one thing: as much as possible, they want to reduce the strain and stress that the situation creates on their kids. With a divorce, time between parents will inevitably be split. If you can work with your ex amicably to have more flexibility in the arrangement, this may be what is ultimately best for the kids. If you have any questions about child custody law, you should consult with a knowledgeable NJ child custody attorney.

When Kids Need One Parent

There are instances when a child prefers to be with one parent over another one. For example, if a teenager has recently broken up with a long-term boyfriend or girlfriend, he or she may feel more comfortable talking to Mom or to Dad about it, depending on the situation. Talking on the phone is one option, but parents should be amenable to letting kids choose, within reason, when they see a parent. Parents can have their set time according to the custody agreement, but there should be some flexibility for the kids to request time with one parent or the other as needed.

When Parents Plan Something Special

Parents typically can plan special outings with their kids during their appointed time, such as their week or weekend. However, there may be instances when parents want to plan something on an unscheduled day, for example, to take a teenager to a concert. Parents can work together to ensure that kids have all of the experiences they otherwise would have had if the couple were still married, and they can work out flex time that is in the best interest of the child.

Working With Your Ex

The custody arrangement of a divorce decree is often detailed and specific, and for good reason. Many couples cannot agree on what a fair arrangement for the kids is. However, if you can agree on allowing each other flex time based on what the parents and kids both want, then it will be easier for everyone in the long run. Ultimately, you may find that over the long run, if the parents can manage to work it out, this flexibility is best for the kids. I once heard that you should look at your relationship with your former spouse as an alliance formed to promote the best interests of your child. Remember you do not have to like or be friends with an ally. On the world scale nations have formed alliances who did not like each other in order to accomplish common goals. As a result, wars were won and great societal goals were accomplished. In your own life, you need to share a common goal and be willing to work with your former spouse to achieve that goal. That common goal is to insure that your child is raised in a stable and nurturing environment which they feel loved by both parents. Your children will be better off if you can form this alliance.

Peter Van Aulen has been practicing divorce lawyer for over twenty four years. He is certified by the New Jersey Supreme Court as a matrimonial attorney. If you have any questions about a New Jersey divorce and child custody case, call the Law Offices Of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation with a NJ child custody attorney.

Client Reviews
Peter has integrity, and values his relationships with his clients beyond his financial relationship with them. For me to say this about any lawyer is really saying something. He is compassionate, straightforward and knowledgeable. I would easily recommend him to anybody. Lewie W.
Peter Van Aulen handled my case with great diligence and integrity. He is also a compassionate individual who realizes what a difficult time divorce can be emotionally. Peter works hard and doesn't take any shortcuts in preparing for a case… I highly recommend Mr. Van Aulen and his staff. Chuck Solomon
Peter is an exceptionally great attorney. He handled my child custody case and was able to ease any of my concerns with honest answers. He always took the time to explain the pros/cons and was always available to answer any questions that I had… I would highly recommend this attorney to anyone who is looking for one. Jessica Cruz
Peter Van Aulen is a very compassionate, honest and straightforward person. He was there for me at my lowest point with a genuine concern not only for my situation, but for me and my child's well being above all… He is fair and he is strong and when push comes to shove he is there for you. Cathy Dodge
Our cousin used Peter's law office to help with a sticky custody situation. He was extremely responsive, very nice and most importantly did an awesome job with the court! He is awesome. Lawrence Polsky

*Results may vary depending on your particular facts and legal circumstances