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How to Approach a Cheating Spouse: Dealing with Marital Infidelity

Women’s Health magazine did a comprehensive article on the 10 most commonplace causes of divorce in the United States, including in the state of New Jersey. Marital infidelity is on that top 10 list, which probably does not come as any surprise. Due to the fact that marital infidelity is a rather commonplace occurrence, it is helpful for a person potentially facing such an issue to understand to how approach a proverbial “cheating spouse.” In this article, we take a moment to present some tactics to consider using if you feel the need to approach a spouse about potential marital infidelity:

  • Remain calm
  • Attempt to be unaccusatory
  • Listen carefully
  • Honesty is fundamental
  • Speak from facts
  • Asks questions calmly
  • Attempt to remain nonjudgmental
  • Honesty is fundamental
  • Attempt to remain nonjudgmental
Remain Calm

The first tactic is to try to remain calm and collected when confronting your spouse about infidelity. This can be hard in the moment, especially if emotions already are running high. Nonetheless it is important for you (and your spouse) to remain as level headed and as calm as possible. If you need some time to cool off before beginning the conversation, make sure to do so. Taking this type of time out will help ensure that a discussion on this difficult subject goes as smoothly as possible.

Attempt to be Unaccusatory

When approaching your spouse about the topic of infidelity, it is important that you remain respectful and non-accusatory throughout the discussion. It may be difficult not to get emotional or throw out accusations during this sensitive conversation, but doing so could cause more harm than good in the long run.

Listen Carefully

Make sure to listen carefully throughout the conversation in order to really understand your spouse’s perspective on what has been going on in your relationship. Asking thoughtful questions and actively listening throughout the exchange can go a long way toward helping both of you gain clarity on what has been happening and where things stand between you two now.

Honesty is Fundamental

Never lose sight of the fact that honesty is key when it comes to approaching your spouse with suspected allegations of marital infidelity. It may not always be easy or comfortable to tell your partner exactly how upset or hurt you feel about something they did or said. However, expressing yourself honestly and openly will ultimately allow for a better chance that your marriage may be able to survive an instance of marital infidelity.

Speak from Facts

When having to approach your spouse about possible infidelity, sticking to verifiable facts is highly important. rather than assumptions or suspicions. Make sure that before you bring up accusations or concerns about infidelity, you base them on concrete evidence or factual observations rather than rumors or assumptions. Examples include noticing large amounts of money missing from your bank account, finding strange emails in their inboxes, notifying changes in routine, and so forth.

Asks Questions Calmly

Ask questions calmly when discussing infidelity with your spouse. You don’t want to make demands or confrontational statements. By asking questions calmly, enhance the prospect that will be able to get to the bottom of your suspicions that give rise to infidelity. By doing so you will be in the best possible position to determine what course of action you should take when your souse cheats.

Attempt to Remain Nonjudgmental

There is a virtually herculean task associated with approaching a cheating wife or husband. If at all possible, you need to attempt to remain non-judgmental throughout the conversation with your spouse. As mentioned previously, you need to endeavor to listen actively to what your spouse may have to say in regard to your marriage. Remember that even if it turns out your spouse has been unfaithful, your relationship may not be completely over at this juncture in time. so practice active listening skills to better understand their feelings during this difficult time

By considering and following these suggestions, you place yourself in the best position to have a civilized and perhaps even production discussion with your spouse regarding the very difficult matter of fidelity in marriage. If you are contemplating a divorce and want a free consultation, call (201) 845-7400 today.

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