Letting go With Grace
A NJ Divorce technically marks the end of a marriage, but it also is the end of a life that you thought you would lead. Consider that you likely imagined yourself growing old and retiring with your ex. Every vision you had of the future had him or her in it, and now that person is no longer a part of your life. More than that, divorce can be a tremendous detriment to your financial situation, and there is certainly emotional pain to boot. Whether you are pondering divorce or you are actively proceeding with it, it is important to proceed with grace.
All too many of us have had the unfortunate experience of knowing others who have been caught up in a nasty divorce with a bitter custody battle or a terrible fight for division of assets. Nobody wins in such situations regardless of the outcome of the court case. However, handling a divorce with grace often requires open, honest communication with both parties, and this can be difficult to do. To begin with, make it clear to your ex that you would like to proceed with an amicable divorce. Dragging this process on for longer than necessary does nobody any good, and it is better to cut your ties and to begin your new life. That being said, do not settle for less than what is rightfully yours, but do not ask for more than should be yours.
Some couples are able to be friends after a NJ divorce, and why should this not be the case? Your ex was likely your best friend for many years, and he or she may be one of the closest people in your life. A New Jersey divorce may change the nature of the relationship, but it does not have to change the fact that you both still care about each other and want what is best for the other person. Even when the other person has committed adultery or has done things that you cannot live with, chalk those things up to being tossed away with the marriage itself. That part of your life is over, and now you can nurture your friendship with your ex to a degree.
Each NJ divorce case is unique in its own right, but remember that you once loved this person enough to devote your entire life to him or her. Sometimes things do not work out, and it is acceptable to be sad and to mourn the loss of the life that you were going to live together. However, ultimately, that likely does not equate to bitterness toward that person despite all of the circumstances. Find space in your heart to forgive and to let go, and you will be able to more gracefully navigate through the divorce process.
Peter Van Aulen has been certified by the New Jersey Supreme Court as a matrimonial attorney. This is a distinction given to a small number attorneys in the state. He has over twenty-four years of experience in divorce and family law. If you have any questions concerning a NJ divorce, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at 201-845-7400 for a consultation.