Coping with Your First Holiday Season After Divorce: When Your Children Are Away

Coping with your first holiday season after divorce can be particularly challenging. This can be particularly challenging when the children will not be with you during that particular holiday time period due to an existing parenting plan.

Acknowledging the Challenge

Unfortunately, when it comes to the first holiday season after divorce, many people try to mask the significance of the occasion. The underplay or even attempt to deny very real emotions and challenges that understandably are associated with the first holiday season after divorce.

In this regard, it is important for you to recognize and understand that emotional difficulty is normal and expected. You need to accept very commonplace feelings that include:

• feelings of loss
• loneliness
• grief

In addition, you need to understand that this transition is part of the healing process that does follow the end of a marriage. Some ascribe the five stages of grief to this process, which are:

• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• depression
• acceptance

Pre-Holiday Planning

Diligently planning can make coping with the first holiday season after divorce more manageable and easier to navigate. There are four key components to bear in mind when it comes to pre-holiday planning when it comes to the first celebration of this kind following the conclusion of a New Jersey marriage dissolution proceeding:

• creating a detailed schedule for yourself
• setting realistic expectations
• making alternative arrangements for celebrating with children (before or after the actual holiday)
• planning virtual connections with children during the holiday

Building a Support System

A primary element to coping with being away from your kids for a particular holiday following a divorce is to make a concerted effort to build and maintain a suitable support system. This does not need to be a complicated process and can be built around a set of strategies that include:

• identifying friends and family who can provide emotional support
• connecting with other divorced parents
• considering professional support (therapist, counselor, support groups)
• using online communities and resources

Creating New Traditions

Don’t maintain a stranglehold on existing or previous holiday traditions. When your marriage comes to an end and you are dealing with custody and parenting time orders, develop new holiday traditions that recognize these changes. This endeavor can include:

• reimagining holiday celebrations
• finding meaningful ways to spend time
• exploring volunteer opportunities
• planning travel or new experiences

Self-Care Strategies

While the heart of your focus when you face your first major holiday following your divorce will be on your children and time with the kids, you cannot forget about yourself. You need to employ self-care strategies. These include such things as:

• maintaining physical health through exercise and proper nutrition
• practicing emotional wellness techniques
• setting healthy boundaries
• avoiding harmful coping mechanisms

Managing Social Media and Technology

As part of a comprehensive effort to cope with your first holiday following a New Jersey divorce, you also need to manage and make the most of social media. Three important elements of managing and utilizing you social media are:

• Setting limits on social media exposure
• Using technology positively to connect with children
• Avoiding comparison with others’ holiday celebrations

Looking Forward to the Future

Don’t focus too much on not being with your children for a particular holiday. This can be challenging, but it is important to be able to enjoy and experience the holiday – be it what it is – by taking steps that include:

• planning for future holidays
• creating a positive mindset
• understanding that healing takes time
• finding hope in new beginnings

Resources and Support

Be open to accessing different resources to provide you with vital support when you are approaching a holiday season following your divorce when your child or children will not be with you. This may include accessing professional counseling services to ensure that you are able to maintain the most even keel during a holiday season following divorce that may find you away from your kids. Specific examples of resources and support that are available to people in your shoes after being divorced include:

• professional counseling services
• support groups and organizations
• helpful books and articles
• online communities and forums

Finally, keep in mind that being away from your children for a holiday following a divorce is not the absolute status quo. New Jersey child custody and parenting time laws dictate a level of fairness and parity as well as appropriate access to your children, including for holidays. If you have questions concerning child custody, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at 201-845-7400 for a free consultation.