How to Respond When Your Teenage Child Wants to Change Custody in New Jersey

In New Jersey, a custody arrangement is intended to achieve the best interests of the child. With that said, as children grow older and into their teenage years, their needs, opinions, and relationships with parents and their lives more generally may shift. If your teenage child expresses a desire to change the existing custody arrangement, your response should be guided by:

• Sensitivity
• Legality
• Practical considerations

In this regard, there are a number of factors to bear in mind when your teenager wants to change custody in New Jersey.

Stay Calm and Listen

Your first instinct might be to react emotionally or defensively when your teenager raises a desire to change custody in New Jersey. If and when this occurs, you need to remain calm and listen attentively to what your teenager is saying. Avoid interrupting or minimizing their feelings. Showing respect for their perspective lays the groundwork for a more open and honest conversation.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

There are ways in which you can elicit more information from your teenager when he or she desires to change custody in New Jersey. For example, rather than jumping to conclusions, ask open-ended questions like “What’s making you feel this way?” or “Can you help me understand what’s been going on?” These types of questions show you’re interested in understanding – not just reacting.

Avoid Blaming the Other Parent

Even if you suspect the other parent is influencing your child’s decision, avoid placing blame on that individual. Negative comments about your ex-spouse can backfire and damage your relationship with your child. Keep the focus on your child’s needs rather than your grievances.

Evaluate the Underlying Reasons

Teenagers may want to change custody for a number of reasons that include:

• Emotional
• Social
• Even superficial reasons (like preferring a different school or household rules)

Try to determine whether the reasons are rooted in deeper issues such as conflict, neglect, or emotional needs.

Consider Their Age and Maturity

In New Jersey, courts do not give minors the power to decide custody. However, courts do consider a child’s opinion if the child is old enough and mature enough to make a reasoned preference. This typically is around age 14 or older. Take this into account as you consider next steps.

Consult Your Custody Agreement

Review your current custody agreement or court order. Some agreements include provisions on how custody modifications can be requested or under what conditions they can occur. Understanding what’s already in place is crucial before proceeding.

Open Dialogue with the Other Parent

Once you’ve spoken with your child, it may be appropriate to speak with the other parent. Indeed, in the best possible world, this type of communication should occur. A civil and cooperative conversation can lead to solutions that don’t necessarily involve going to court, such as informal changes to the parenting schedule.

Try Mediation Before Court Hearings

If both parents are open to negotiation, consider mediation. A neutral third party can help you and your co-parent explore a revised custody arrangement that better meets the needs of your teenager while preserving a cooperative co-parenting relationship.

Seek Legal Advice

If your child remains adamant about changing custody and informal discussions don’t resolve the issue, consult a family law attorney. An attorney can assess whether your circumstances justify a formal modification request and explain how New Jersey law applies to your case.

File a Motion to Modify Custody (If Necessary)

In order to formally alter an existing custody arrangement, a parent must file a motion with the family court showing a “substantial change in circumstances.” A demonstration must be made that the change would serve the child’s best interests. A teen’s wishes may be a contributing factor but are never the sole reason a judge will consider when dealing with a motion to change custody in New Jersey

Prepare for the Court’s Evaluation

In some cases, the court may appoint a guardian ad litem or order a custody evaluator to gather input from both parents, the child, and possibly other professionals. The judge will weigh multiple factors, including the child’s relationship with both parents, academic and emotional needs, and the level of stability in each home.

Support Your Child, Regardless of the Outcome

Finally, no matter how the situation unfolds, continue to support your child emotionally. Whether the change is granted or denied, a teenager needs to feel heard and loved by both parents. Use the experience to reinforce your role as a supportive, responsive caregiver who places their well-being above all else. Call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free divorce/family law consultation today.