Coercive Control in Marriage: Recognizing the Invisible Chains

At the start of this discussion, we note bluntly that coercive control in marriage is a form of domestic abuse. Marital coercive control involves patterns of

• Domination
• Manipulation
• Psychological oppression

Unlike overt physical battery or assault, coercive control in marriage oftentimes is subtle, rendering it harder to recognize. This is true even for the victim of this stealth type of domestic or marital abuse. In this article, we explore key aspects of coercive control in marriage. We do this to assist victims, survivors, and allies to better be able to identify and address this harmful, destructive behavior.  

Definition of Coercive Control

Coercive control is defined as a strategic pattern of behavior used by an abusive partner to dominate and restrict their spouse’s autonomy. Marital coercive control includes a variety of:

• Psychological
• Emotional
• Financial
• Physical

These enumerated tactics are intended to instill fear and dependency in the spouse subject to this control. Unlike isolated incidents of abuse, coercive control is sustained over time, eroding the victim’s sense of self-worth and freedom.  

Common Tactics Used in Marital Coercive Control  

Coercive controllers – domestic or marital abusers – employ various methods to maintain control. These include, but are not limited to:

• Isolation: Cutting off the victim from friends, family, or support networks
• Monitoring: Excessive surveillance of phone calls, messages, or daily activities  
• Gaslighting: Manipulating the victim into doubting their own memory or sanity  
• Threats and Intimidation: Using fear to enforce compliance  
• Financial Control: Restricting access to money or employment 

Emotional and Psychological Impact on Victims

Victims of coercive control often suffer from one or another emotional or even psychological conditions. Indeed, in many cases, a victim of marital coercive control may face more than one such emotional or psychological challenge or condition as the result of being abused in this manner. Possible impacts include:  

• Anxiety and Depression: Due to constant stress and abuse 
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD: From prolonged psychological trauma  
• Low Self-Esteem: The abuser systematically undermines the target’s confidence  
• Acquired Helplessness: Feeling incapable of leaving or changing the situation  

How Coercive Control Differs from Other Forms of Abuse

While physical abuse can result in visible signs (bruises, scars, and so forth) marital coercive control operates in the shadows. Key differences are important to note:  

• No Physical Violence Required: Many victims experience no obvious physical harm  
• Long-Term Manipulation: The abuse is sustained, not episodic  
• Legal Gray Areas: Proverbial powers-that-be continue to struggle in regard to criminalizing non-physical abuse. 

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Coercive Control

You are far from alone if you read this article and remain unsure if you are the target of marital coercive control. There are a set of questions you should consider asking yourself as part of the process of ascertaining if you are a target of coercive control:

• Do you feel constantly watched or criticized?  
• Are you afraid to disagree with your partner?  
• Has your partner cut you off from loved ones?  
• Do you need permission for everyday decisions?  

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, you may be in a coercively controlling marriage.  

Why Targets Stay in Coercively Controlling Marriages 

Beyond not immediately or currently understanding that they are in a coercively controlling marriage, there are other more commonplace reasons why targets remain in this type of relationship :  

• Fear of Escalation: Worrying the abuse will worsen if they try to leave  
• Financial Dependence: Being unable to support themselves independently 
• Love and Hope: Believing the abuser will change  
• Shame and Stigma: Fear of judgment from others  

How to Safely Leave a Coercively Controlling Marriage

In conclusion, there are some tactics to bear in mind if you contemplate getting away from an abuser and breaking the chains of coercive control in marriage. These foundational strategies include:

• Seek Support: Contact domestic violence organizations or trusted friends
• Document Abuse: Keep records of controlling behaviors  
• Secure Finances: Open a separate bank account if possible  
• Safety Plan: Have an exit strategy, including a safe place to go  

Never forget: You do not have to address coercive control in your marriage alone. Not only can you turn to family and friends, but there are professionals of different types that can assist you getting out of a marriage shrouded by coercive control and abuse. If you have questions concerning coercive control in marriage, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.