How to Deal with a Divorce Bully: 7 Strategies to Reclaim Your Power  

The Merriam-Webster English Dictionary provides a succinct definition of a bully that has application in come New Jersey divorce proceedings. The iconic dictionary defines a bully as

A blustering, browbeating person, especiallyone who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to another who is in some way vulnerable.

The thing is that in divorce proceedings, a party to this type of legal process is by definition vulnerable. A divorce bully preys on that vulnerability to the harmful disadvantage of that tormentor’s prey.

Understanding this potential reality is some New Jersey marriage dissolution cases, there are seven strategies that you can consider to reclaim your power if you end up the target of a divorce bully.

1. Recognize the Bullying Tactics

Sadly, bullying can and does take many forms. The stark reality is that despite the fact that bullying can rear its ugly head in many ways, with some pointers on recognition of it, you will be in the best possible position to more readily recognize a bully in a divorce.  

Bear in mind that divorce bullies thrive on confusion and emotional chaos. Common tactics of divorce bullies include:  

• Gaslighting: Twisting facts to make you doubt your reality, to make you think you are the problem.
• Financial intimidation: Hiding assets, refusing to pay support, and even draining shared accounts.  
• Legal bullying: Pursuing frivolous motions, delaying legal proceedings, or weaponizing custody disputes.  
• Emotional manipulation: Guilt-tripping, threats, or smear campaigns to isolate you and to cause you to doubt your self-worth.  

Always keep in mind that awareness is your first line of defense. Labeling your spouse’s behavior as bullying allows you the ability to detach emotionally and respond strategically during the course of your divorce case.  

2. Document Everything

A divorce bully often relies on lies or exaggeration. Protect yourself by creating a meticulous, thorough paper trail. This process should include:

• Saving emails, texts, and voicemails.  
• Logging incidents of harassment, including dates, times, and witnesses.  
• Keeping financial records (bank statements, tax returns) to counter hidden assets or false claims.  

A final note: Share documentation like this only with your New Jersey divorce lawyer to avoid escalating conflict.  

3. Set Unshakable Boundaries  

Boundaries are always important but even more so during a divorce case. By definition, bullies test limits. Boundaries should include non-negotiable rules:

• Communicate in writing: Avoid verbal confrontations where they might twist your words.  
• Stick to the facts: Refuse to engage in personal attacks or defensiveness.  
• Limit contact: Use your attorney as a buffer for negotiations and all but the most basic exchanges (like communicating regarding parenting time pickup).  

Example: If they bombard you with angry calls, respond once via email: “I will only discuss custody through our parenting app. All other topics must go through my lawyer.”  

4. Arm Yourself With Legal Support

A skilled, experienced New Jersey divorce attorney is crucial. Look for someone experienced in high-conflict cases who won’t tolerate bullying.

Your lawyer’s job isn’t just to win. Your legal counsel’s role is also to shield you from unnecessary stress.

5. Refuse to Play Their Game  

Divorce bullies want a reaction; they thrive when you “play along.” Starve their bullying tactics of oxygen:  

• Stay calm
• Avoid retaliation
• Focus on solutions, not drama

6. Prioritize Your Self-Care

Bullying can and oftentimes does erode mental health. You best protect your personal wellbeing by being proactive in a few important ways:  

• Therapy: A counselor specializing in divorce trauma can help you process grief and rebuild confidence.  
• Support networks: Lean on trusted friends, family, or divorce support groups.  
• Mindfulness: Practices like journaling or meditation reduce anxiety and improve decision-making.  

7. Keep Your Eyes on the Finish Line  

Divorce bullies often New Jersey marriage dissolution proceedings to exhaust you. Counter this by:  

• Clarifying priorities
• Accepting imperfection
• Visualizing freedom

In conclusion, dealing with a divorce bully is grueling but every act of resistance works to maintain your autonomy. In the final analysis, the bully’s behavior says everything about them and nothing about you. Your future is worth fighting for, one step at a time. By staying strategic, compassionate toward yourself, consistently mindful, and focused on the bigger picture, you’ll emerge not just as a survivor, but as someone who refused to let bullying define your story. If you have questions concerning a ​divorce, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.