Is a Trial Separation Right for You? 10 Key Considerations  

Over the course of the past few decades, the divorce rate across the United States has hovered about one out of every two marriages. While it is true that a notable percentage of people seem rather quick to file for a divorce, including in the state of New Jersey, some individuals are more circumspect. These people do view divorce as something of a decision of last resort. There are individuals who elect for a trial separation as a means to determine the best course of action going forward.

There are some more primary considerations to bear in mind when it comes to ascertaining whether or not this type of separation makes the most sense for you and your spouse. We present 10 different points to consider if you are contemplating this course of action.

What Is a Trial Separation? 

A separation of this nature is fairly described as being an intentional pause in a marital relationship. As noted at the start, spouses live apart but remain legally married. Unlike a divorce, the goal isn’t to end the marriage but to gain clarity and determine whether the marriage can go forward. Couples often use this time to reflect, address personal issues, or evaluate whether reconciliation is possible. Clear boundaries and intentions are essential to avoid confusion during a period involving this type of separation.

Common Reasons Married Couples Consider a Separation

Many reasons exist as to why married couples decide to separate from each other on a temporary basis. Some of those commonplace underlying reasons include:

• Communication Breakdown
• Infidelity
• Personal Growth
• Stagnation

Potential Benefits of a Separation  

The goals, objectives, and potential benefits are different from one couple to the next. With that said, there are some more commonplace potential benefits associated with this type of separation that include:

• Clarity
• Reduced Conflict
• Perspective
• Opportunity for Growth

Challenges to Anticipate

Pursuing a separation of this nature has the potential to cause some challenges and issues. Examples of the more commonplace challenges you need to consider occurring if you are contemplating pursuing this course include:

• Emotional Strain
• Loneliness, guilt, or anxiety about the future.  
• Uncertainty
• Logistical Hurdles
• Finance Issues
• Living arrangement issues  
• Social Pressure

Setting Ground Rules

When contemplating a separation on a trial basis, setting some specific ground rules are imperative. Examples of areas in which ground rule setting is necessary include:

• Duration of separation  
• Communication during separation
• Finances during separation
• Boundaries between spouses and between spouses and others  

When a Trial Separation Isn’t the Solution

Separation most definitely is not always a wise or proper course. Examples when his type of separation may be a less than ideal course include situations like these:

• Abuse is present physical and emotional safety and wellbeing must come first
• One partner is unwilling because both spouses need to be committed to the process  
• It’s a Band-Aid solution, meaning if underlying issues aren’t addressed, separation won’t help 

Communicating During the Separation

Diving down a bit more, setting some communication guidance when initiating a separation is important. Examples of elements of a communication structure include:  

• Schedule Check-Ins: Use neutral times to discuss progress.  
• Be Honest but Kind: Share feelings without blame.  
• Focus on Goals: Are you working toward reconciliation, or accepting the end?  

The Role of Professional Help During Separation

Do not rule out seeking professional help during separation. You might seek professional assistance to:

• Mediate difficult conversations.  
• Help identify patterns
• Guide individual healing

Evaluating the Relationship Post-Separation 

When you reach the scheduled conclusion of the separation, you need to undertake a frank evaluation of your relationship. Examples of what you need to consider in the evaluation process include such matters as:

• Have core issues improved 
• Do we still share values or goals?  
• Is there mutual effort to rebuild?  
• Can forgiveness and trust be restored?

Making the Final Decision 

When a separation is said and done, there are three primary courses you and your spouse might consider taking:

• Reconciliation
• Permanent Separation
• Extend the Trial Separation

In conclusion a separation isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. If you pursue this path, lean on professional support as needed and prioritize self-care. Temporary distance doesn’t mean failure. Sometimes, it’s the bravest step toward clarity.​ If you have questions concerning a ​separation, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.