Life After Divorce: How to Co-Parent Over Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving often proves to be one of the most complex times of the year for divorced parents, particularly parents who haven’t been divorced for long. Thanksgiving typically is steeped in tradition. These traditions can amplify feelings of loss, guilt, or resentment. Co-parenting over Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be an emotional, brittle battleground. With planning, flexibility, and a child-first mindset, you will be able to co-parent over Thanksgiving in a successful manner.

Honestly Acknowledge the Emotional Weight of the Thanksgiving Holiday

Divorce alters not only the family structure, the end of a marriage also changes the rhythm of holidays, including Thanksgiving. What was once predictable can suddenly feel fractured following a divorce. Commonly, parents and children alike may grieve the loss of traditions and what has come before. Recognizing this emotional landscape is the first step toward success at the task to co-parent over Thanksgiving.

Children often feel caught between their parents’ expectations. They want to please both parents while maintaining their own sense of belonging generally speaking and during the holiday season. The reality is that when parents acknowledge this emotional strain, they have taken a vital step to reduce it.

Plan Ahead for Thanksgiving – Well Ahead

Arguably, the biggest source of Thanksgiving stress for co-parents is uncertainty. A great deal of this uncertainty stems from scheduling issues. Working such matters out well in advance of the November holiday is crucial when it comes to the need to co-parent over Thanksgiving.

Ideally, the parenting agreement spells out the rotation of holidays. The fact is that even with formal agreements, it remains wise to confirm details associated with a holiday like Thanksgiving in advance. Items and topics that need to be discussed include:

• Pick-up and drop-off times (and locations that minimize tension)
• Travel plans, especially if one parent is going out of state
• Special events, like school plays, parades, or church gatherings
• Family invitations, ensuring no one feels excluded or blindsided

As you go through this process, bear in mind that consistency helps children feel secure. With that said, a reasonable level of flexibility is important as well.

Focus on Gratitude, Not Grievance

Divorce can leave a residue of resentment, which is understandable. The reality is that co-parents who focus on what they do have rather than what they’ve lost create a more peaceful holiday for everyone involved.

The bottom line is that rather than wasting time tallying grievances, take the initiative to acknowledge what’s working in your life. Gratitude expressed between co-parents not only lowers emotional temperature. It also can serve as a model of maturity for children. Kids notice when their parents treat each other with respect, even after separation and divorce.

Create New Thanksgiving Traditions

Divorce can end some traditions. That is natural and oftentimes hard to avoid. Divorce can also provide a natural opportunity to create and begin new ones. Encourage children to contribute ideas for new Thanksgiving traditions and experiences.

Communicate Like a Professional

Co-parenting communication should be:

• Functional
• Respectful
• Child-focused

Keep in mind that you need to avoid using children as messengers or pawns. Direct communication between parents, ideally in writing, helps prevent misunderstandings. Keep in mind and utilize a few best practices:

• Keep messages short and factual: “I’ll drop them off at 3 p.m.” not “You always make me do all the work.”
• Avoid revisiting old arguments during holiday planning
• Use neutral tools like shared parenting apps or calendars to track logistics

Remember: the tone you set determines how peaceful your holiday will be at any given time. If communication is consistently toxic, consider using a mediator or counselor to help structure future holiday discussions.

Remember: You’re Writing the Next Chapter

Finally, co-parenting through Thanksgiving isn’t just about logistics. In the final analysis, it is also about resilience. The way you co-parent over Thanksgiving becomes part of your family’s evolving story.

Life after divorce can still include laughter at the table, gratitude for shared memories, and love that takes new forms. Thanksgiving reminds us that families aren’t defined by marriage certificates or shared addresses. In fact, they are defined by compassion, commitment, and the willingness to keep showing up, year after year, with an open heart. If you have questions concerning divorce, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.