Practical Tips to Help Change Your Spending Habits After Divorce

A stark reality about a New Jersey marriage dissolution proceeding is that divorce doesn’t just end a marriage, that legal process resets your entire financial reality. The bottom line is that the shift from shared finances to solo economics can be quite disorienting. In the grand scheme of things, habits and practices that once made sense or were at least acceptable from time to time may no longer financially be prudent. Thus, it is wise to consider some practical tips and tactics to assist you in considering and even changing your spending habits after divorce.

Acknowledge That Your Old Budget Is Dead and Gone

One of the biggest mistakes (many) people make after divorce is trying to retrofit their old financial life into their new one. Far more often than not, the math no longer works. Pretending that it does can delay financial – and emotional – recovery from the end of a marriage.

With this in mind, with this understood, an additional step in addressing spending habits after divorce is to start fresh in regard to your budgeting efforts. This start from scratch includes four primary elements in many instances:

• New income assumptions
• New housing costs
• New insurance, utilities, and taxes
• New childcare or support obligations

Keep in mind that you fairly can treat this as a reboot, not a downgrade. Don’t conclude that you’re financially failing in some manner. In reality, you are recalibrating.

Track Spending Without Shame for 60 Days

When it comes to considering and altering spending habits after divorce, it is totally acceptable to give yourself some breathing room. Before changing anything, observe and consider. For two months, track spending without judgment. Don’t fix yet, just notice and note.

This approach to contemplating spending habits after the end of your marriage is beneficial in a number of important ways:

• Shame causes avoidance
• Avoidance prevents accuracy
• Inaccuracy destroys planning

Use whatever tool you’ll actually stick with to track spending without judgment for 60 days including:

• Notebook
• Spreadsheet
• App

The goal is not perfection. Patterns will emerge in short speed. This especially will be the case if (or when) emotional spending triggers like loneliness, exhaustion, or post-divorce grief.

Identify Emotional Spending Triggers (Not Just Categories)

Speaking of emotional spending: Most post-divorce overspending isn’t about groceries, gas, or housing. In many instances, emotional triggers can contribute to unwise spending practices. Common emotional triggers include:

• “I deserve this after everything I’ve been through”
• Filling silence or loneliness
• Reclaiming identity through purchases
• Fear-based stockpiling (“what if I need it later?”)

The fact is that once you name the emotion, you can address it directly instead of anesthetizing it with spending.

Replace, Don’t Eliminate, Comfort Spending

Trying to cut all so-called comfort spending will backfire on you – sooner rather than later. Humans need relief and pleasure. This especially after trauma like a divorce..

Instead of eliminating comfort spending, be proactive. Consider a couple of spending principles:

• Replace expensive habits with lower-cost alternatives
• Downshift frequency, not joy

Create “Friction” for Problem Spending

When it comes to spending habits after divorce, consider creating “friction” in the arena of problem spending. In other words, make it at least somewhat harder to spend money in ways that that have the prospect or potential so result in self-sabotage.

Examples of relatively simple and yet likely effective “friction” tactics include:

• Remove saved cards from shopping apps
• Use a separate checking account for discretionary spending
• Implement a 24-hour pause for non-essential purchases
• Unsubscribe from promotional emails and texts

The fact is that by implementing these tactics, you’re not removing choice. Rather, ou’re giving yourself space to choose consciously.

Expect Relapses—and Plan for Them

Finally, understand that you will overspend at some point. Do not consider overspending her and there as some sort of financial failure. The fact is that overspending is part and parcel of ultimately long-term behavior change.

As part of addressing spending in your post-divorce life, have a plan for overspending when it occurs. Examples of elements that you will want to consider for that type of plan include:

• Build a proverbial “oops” buffer into your budget
• Review overspending episodes without self-attack
• Adjust systems instead of assigning blame

Please call 201-845-7400 for a free initial divorce consultation.