Seven Tips for Transitioning to Your New Life After Divorce

When a divorce occurs, it marks an obvious ending. However, it is vital to keep in mind that a New Jersey marriage dissolution case also is a beginning – the conclusion of one chapter and the opening of another. The aftermath of divorce often leaves a person standing at the edge of what fairly can be called uncertainty – unsure how to rebuild a new life after divorce. We present seven tips to bear in mind when it comes to transitioning to your new life after divorce.

Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

Even if you initiated divorce, loss and grief are inevitable. The end of a marriage often brings:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Relief
• Fear
• Guilt
• Shame

A person sometimes experiences all of these emotions at once. It is important for you to allow yourself to feel these emotions without judging yourself.

The stark reality is that suppressing grief only prolongs the pain of divorce. Healing from the end of your marriage begins when you acknowledge the depth of what’s been lost. You must give yourself space to mourn that loss.

Rebuild Your Daily Routine

During marriage, daily rhythms tend to form around your spouse. After your divorce, those routines not only disrupt but disappear overnight. You may feel as if you are left in a vacuum. 

You can rebuild routines by staring small:

• Establish a new morning ritual
• Regular exercise
• Consistent bedtime

These “baby steps” allow you to create anchors that help structure your days and give you a sense of stability. The bottom line is that simple routines (like making coffee at the same time each morning or walking your dog after dinner) can work to keep you grounded as you adjust to what has become your new normal.

Assess Your Finances with Clear Eyes

Divorce can create financial turbulence or even chaos. Take all the time necessary to understand your post-divorce financial reality. Review your budget, update beneficiaries, and if necessary and possible, consult a financial advisor familiar with post-divorce planning. Determine your new income and spending levels. Make sure you take the time to identify what you can do to regain security:

• Downsizing
• Pursuing new employment
• Setting longer-term financial goals

Redefine Your Identity

Marriage typically works to intertwine two identities into one shared life. Following divorce, it’s easy to feel unsure of who you are outside that once existing partnership. In the end, this can be your chance to rediscover yourself. For example, consider taking the time to revisit hobbies you set aside or explore something completely new. The objective is not to erase your past. Rather, you can integrate the whole of your life into a fuller, more authentic version of who you are becoming now that your marriage has ended.

Rebuild Your Social Circle

Divorce can shift social dynamics. The reality is that some friends may drift away, others rally to your side. Time and again, isolation can deepen feelings of loss. Therefore, make a conscious effort to connect to others. If you have children, developing a support network of other single parents can be particularly helpful. Surrounding yourself with positive influences helps you feel less alone. It also reminds you that meaningful connection is still possible when you no longer are married.

Focus on Co-Parenting, Not Conflict

If children are involved, the transition after divorce is not just your own. It also is a major transition for your children. Maintaining civility and consistency with your ex-spouse is vital when it comes to your children. Always strive to keep communication respectful and focused on the best interests of your children. Avoid using your kids as messengers or emotional buffers. You might even want to consider co-parenting counseling. 

Look Ahead with Purpose

Finally, in the early stages of your new life after divorce it’s easy to feel stuck in what’s been lost. But you do not need to let that persist. In building a truly solid new life after divorce, setting small, achievable goals for the next phase of your life allows you to look ahead with purpose. In the final analysis, your future is not defined by what ended. Rather, your future is characterized by what you choose to create next. If you have questions concerning a divorce, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.