Surprising Causes of Divorce

Every marriage is unique. In addition, every married couple can have problems and issues that are unique to their situation. With this in mind, there are a number of more commonplace surprising causes of divorce.

Sleep Incompatibility

High on the list of surprising causes of divorce (in New Jersey and elsewhere) is what is known as sleep incompatibility. This potentially this includes:

• Different sleep schedules
• Snoring
• Light versus heavy sleeper mismatches

Conflicting Cleaning Styles

Conflicting cleaning styles is not just a matter of neat versus messy. It is something more deeply rooted. Spouses may have very different definitions of what constitutes clean.

Temperature Wars

On the list of causes of divorce that might prove surprising is what might be called “temperature wars.” One spouse may feel as if they are always hot. The other spouse may chronically feel cold. This dichotomy can result in a major source of conflict between a husband and wife.

Differing Digital Boundaries

The digital or virtual world may impact a marriage in a variety, including negative ones. For example, a spouse might feel that texting late at night, constant notifications, or social-media flirting is acceptable. The other spouse may find this type of conduct unsettling, disrespectful, or inappropriate.

Unequal Emotional Labor

When one partner becomes the household project manager, burnout many times follows quickly. Unequal emotional labor can stem from things that may include:

• Planning … everything
• Remembering … everything
• Overseeing household management … all of the time

Hidden Financial Philosophies

A couple that has differing beliefs or philosophies about money and finances can end up on a problematic pathway. This is not just money trouble. Rather, it means differing beliefs about such matters as:

• Saving
• Spending
• Financial risk
• Generosity
• Lifestyle expectations

Mismatched Social Energy

A prime example of mismatched social energy involves couples that include spouses that are

introverts and. Extroverts in the same marriage. In such a situation, resentment builds when one partner feels smothered by plans and the other feels abandoned.

Disagreement About “Micro-Ambitions”

What some experts on marital relationships call “micro-ambitions” disagreements can result in a marriage ending up on unstable ground. Micro-ambitions represent smaller daily goals that may include:

• Fitness routines
• Morning rituals
• Evening rituals
• Mealtime practices
• Creative hobbies

When spouses can clash about such matters, it can result in a sense of incompatibility.

Pet-Related Conflicts

Pet-related conflicts can be profound and substantial. They can include a variety of forms from the desire to adopt a new cat or dog to differing views on training to varying thoughts on sleeping arrangements to matters related to vet expenses.

Divergent Approaches to Parenting Adult Children

Another underlying or contributing item on the list of surprising causes of divorce include divergent approaches to parenting children. This involves couples with young kids. It can also extend to how married partners handle matters associated with grown children. These can include issues like a child moving back home or a child needing financial help.

Loss of Shared Curiosity

When couples stop learning together the relationship very well may stop evolving. Spouses can become increasingly divergent in many aspects of their lives, growing farther apart from one another.

Weaponized Incompetence

In some instances, a surprising contributing factor to a New Jersey divorce is something that fairly can be called “weaponized incompetence. In such a situation, one spouse pretends not to understand how to undertake what in reality is a basic assignment or task. This can result in a long-term imbalance that eventually breaks trust between parties to a marriage.

Competing Career Transformations

Couples often expect parallel growth on the career, professional, or work front. In reality, life rarely progresses in that manner. For example, if one spouse’s career skyrockets or collapses, the imbalance strains the marriage, may even destroy it.

Resentment Over In-Law Entanglement

Although it is something of a cliché and even fodder for television programming and films, in-law issues can prove problematic. In-law entanglement is not just meddling. Rather, it includes differing expectations on a variety of fronts:

• Holidays
• Caregiving
• Emotional loyalty

Differing Definitions of Respect

Ultimately, when it comes to surprising underlying reasons associated with the end of marriage and divorce, differing definitions or understandings of respect may come into play. For example, some spouses may need consistent direct communication. Some people value punctuality. Still others value flexibility. Eventually, misaligned respect languages have the potential to turn small issues into chronic conflict.

Chronic Scorekeeping

Finally, when it comes to surprising causes of divorce, what in some instances is called “quiet tabulation” of who worked harder, sacrificed more, or “owes” the other can prove to be a steady killer of goodwill. In a marriage. If you have any questions about filing a divorce in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.