What You Need to Know About the Nine Most Common Underlying Reasons for a New Jersey Gray Divorce

In recent years, there is relatively consistent evidence that the divorce rate among younger couples in the United States, including in New Jersey, has stabilized. The one demographic cohort that has not experienced divorce rate stabilization is that of people over the age of 50. In point of fact, the divorce rate among people over 50 – oftentimes referred to as “gray divorce” – has spiked rather dramatically in recent years, according to the American Bar Association. The rise in New Jersey gray divorce is the result of a number of factors that include:

• Demographics
• Cultural changes
• Personal belief system shifts

There are nine most commonplace underlying reasons for New Jersey gray divorce which we explore with you today:

• Empty nest syndrome
• Financial disagreement associated with retirement planning
• Longer life expectancy coupled with evolving expectations
• Diverging interests and personal growth
• Long-term resentment and unresolved conflict
• Infidelity that includes emotional affairs
• Health challenges and caregiver burnout
• Changing norms and social acceptance of divorce
• Technological empowerment and reconnection

Before diving into these more regularly recurring reasons underpinning the end of a Garden State marriage, an important point is underscored: More often than not, more than one of the reasons for a New Jersey gray divorce are at play in a particular case.

Empty Nest Syndrome

At this juncture in the 21^st century, a commonly cited catalyst for gray divorce in New Jersey is empty nest syndrome. Once children are grown and leave home, many couples confront the stark reality of their relationship without the buffer of parenting and others in the home. The stark reality is that long-standing and yet “hidden” emotional disconnects may surface. In affluent suburban communities across Bergen, Morris, and Monmouth counties, where family-centered lifestyles dominate, this sudden quiet can bring unresolved issues to the forefront which ultimately do result in a couple ending up in divorce proceedings.

Financial Disagreements and Retirement Planning

Money has long been a leading source of marital strife and disagreement. In gray divorces in the Garden State, financial incompatibility often becomes more pronounced. As New Jersey couples approach retirement, differing attitudes toward saving, spending, and estate planning can cause rifts, and oftentimes significantly so. For example, one spouse may want to downsize and conserve resources, while at the same time the other dreams of traveling, investing, or spending money more broadly. With the high cost of living in the state and property taxes among the highest in the nation, such disagreements can become proverbial deal-breakers that lead to a notable number of couples seeking to end their marriages.

Longer Life Expectancy Coupled with Evolving Expectations

With life expectancy increasing and people remaining active well into their 70s, 80s, and even 90s, many individuals in New Jersey feel they have more time to pursue happiness and fulfillment. A 55-year-old might realistically look forward to another 25 or 30 years of independent living. As a result, if a marriage feels unfulfilling, one or both partners may feel compelled to seek change while they still have time.

Diverging Interests and Personal Growth

As people grow older, interests, priorities, and values certainly have the propensity to evolve over time. What brought a couple together in their 20s or 30s may no longer hold them together. When individual growth outpaces the growth of the relationship itself, the result can be emotional separation leading to a desire to end a marriage.

Long-Term Resentment and Unresolved Conflict

Many gray divorces are not sudden, but rather ​most likely the result of years of unresolved conflict. These may involve small slights that built into deep resentments, or larger issues like betrayal, differing parenting philosophies, or a lack of emotional support. In long-term marriages, such grievances can simmer beneath the surface until retirement, or another major life transition forces them into the open. Without the distractions of work or children, couples may finally confront long-buried dissatisfaction.

Infidelity that Includes Emotional Affairs

It is important to note that infidelity is not confined to the younger set. In New Jersey, where many, many people remain professionally active and socially connected later in life, opportunities for both physical and emotional affairs are plentiful. Online platforms, workplace environments, and rekindled connections with former partners can all contribute.

Health Challenges and Caregiver Burnout

Aging can bring with it health issues. When one spouse becomes a caregiver, the dynamic of the relationship can change dramatically. In cases where caregiving responsibilities fall disproportionately on one partner, feelings of burnout and isolation may emerge.

Changing Norms and Social Acceptance of Divorce

Societal attitudes toward divorce have shifted significantly. This includes among older generations. What might have been taboo in the 1970s or ’80s is now commonplace. In New Jersey, there is less stigma attached to late-in-life divorce.

Technological Empowerment and Reconnection

Finally, technology plays a notably significant role in New Jersey gray divorce. Social media platforms like Facebook and dating apps tailored to older adults allow individuals to reconnect with old flames or meet new people. These tools can spark curiosity, confidence, and a desire for emotional or romantic fulfillment outside the existing marriage and can lead to a marriage dissolution proceeding. If you have questions concerning a divorce in New Jersey call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.